The English language

Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 3:51 pm

I cannot remember the original location where I found this, it was so long ago but thought I'd share it....

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in
France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't grocer and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese.

So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one
amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single
annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a
recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
man and wise guy are opposites?

How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell
another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when
they are absent?

Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown?
Met a sung hero or experienced requited love?
Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would
ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects
the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race
at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up
this essay, I end it.

Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 5:06 pm

10 points Guardian ! Smile

Wouldn´t it be a good idea to use instead of english dinglish which is a mix between the English and German language ? I ´m for it. Razz

I bougth a time ago a book from Gayle Tuft and she described there the same issues with the German language.

Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:35 pm

Personally I think we should simplify English...

Quote:

Why don't

comb
tomb
bomb

rime?

Quote:

Why do

they
say
weigh

rime?

Quote:

How long does it take an average English child to learn to spell well?

12 years!

In fact 7 million British adults and 40 million US adults are ‘functionally illiterate’ (meaning for everyday purposes they're not able to read and write). That's around 20% of all British and 20% of all American adults.

That means one 1 in 5 of us never do learn to spell properly.

How long does it take an average Italian child to learn to spell well?

2 years!

Why the difference?

Italian is one of the many languages that has had its spelling modernised, so that you spell words as you hear them and read them as you spell them. Many other European countries have also modernised their languages in the last century. A simple spelling system is called a ‘shallow orthography’.

English, however, has not done so systematically over the past 600 years.

So English people don't spell by sticking to rules as the Italians do. We train ourselves to remember the spelling from dictionaries, memorising the look of the word like a photograph. And, because nearly 4000 of our spellings are quirky, we take a long time to learn to spell ‘properly’. If ‘head’, ‘said’ and ‘friend’ (which rhyme with ‘bed’ and ‘send’) were spelt logically, we would have learnt the spelling much faster - we would have learnt ‘hed’, ‘sed’ and ‘frend’ in no time. A complicated spelling system, such as English uses, is called a ‘deep orthography’.

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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 8:00 pm

Excellent!

Come on Susann, lets have some denglish...

Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 1:58 pm

Ich habe meinen Account gechecked.Die Files downgeloaded und die Website upgedated.Thats denglish. Can you translate ? Razz

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 1:23 am

I have my Account checked. The files downloaded and the website updated.
Your right, its horrible lol - but funny Smile

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 5:41 am

Thats correct. Your denglish language skills are excellent ! Smile